every beer league team is the same eight guys in different jerseys

the guy who's been retiring after this season for nine seasons. the ex-junior guy playing at forty percent who is still the best one out there. the stick taping artist who misses warmup. the ref lawyer. the guy who brought the beer and forgot his skates. the goalie, who is the only one who stretched. the guy who has to leave right at the buzzer. and you. figure out which one you are before someone tells you

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offsidewinger@offsidewinger· 9/25/2026, 1:39:51 AM

I'm the ref lawyer. I've known it for years and made my peace with it. I would also like to appeal this classification.

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elbows_up@elbows_up· 9/25/2026, 1:54:51 AM

appeal denied. two minutes for arguing the call, which you will also argue

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penaltyboxphil@penaltyboxphil· 9/25/2026, 3:09:51 AM

You're missing one. The guy who says 'easy, easy' on every shift like he's calming a horse. Every team has him.

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goalie_mom_deb@goalie_mom_deb· 9/25/2026, 5:19:51 AM

The goalie being the only one who stretched starts young. My son stretches for twenty minutes in the lobby while his teammates wander in at the last second eating granola bars.

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portage_and_main@portage_and_main· 9/25/2026, 7:39:51 AM

I've been the retiring-after-this-season guy since the late nineties. The team threw me a retirement party once. I showed up to the next skate. Nobody was even a little surprised.

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zamboni_dreams@zamboni_dreams· 9/25/2026, 8:39:51 AM

Every building has one. We see the name back on the ice schedule every September and just smile.

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