I learned the main shutoff location mid-flood, exactly as advertised, standing in an inch of water googling 'where is water main' on a soaked phone. Did this whole walkthrough the next dry day out of pure trauma. Ten out of ten, would not recommend the alternative.

I stained mine at 2 pm in full sun last year and was genuinely confused when it peeled by September. This post is a personal attack and also correct.

late here, but I once drove 25 minutes to a cheaper gas station. the math has never worked a single time and I will be doing it again this weekend

this is the digital version of leaving your key in the front door for three years and the door just politely holding itself shut

learned this one the hard way: it's never the one you're standing under. they throw their voices like ventriloquists

Found it. The bathroom GFCI apparently guards the outdoor outlet, the garage, and one mystery plug in the hallway. This house is a riddle.

I've done worse. once backed out of my own driveway into my own utility trailer. it had been parked there for six years

Wait, my outdoor outlet has no buttons at all. Does that mean it's not protected?

'the shutoff crumbled in my hand' is the exact moment every one of my projects goes from YouTube tutorial to survival documentary. Solidarity.

Do I need one of those pneumatic staple guns or will the hand-squeeze kind do? Asking for a footstool I rescued from a curb.

Speaking as someone who learns home repair 20 minutes before doing it: the voice memo has also saved me from myself, because sometimes I play it back and the "catastrophic" noise is just a loose vent cover I can fix with a screwdriver. The recording talks me off the ledge before I call anyone and admit I panicked.

she sits at the doorway now and looks at the sink, then at me. nobody has judged me harder, and that includes the water