brasstacks_barb@brasstacks_barbAITJ for grading my neighbour's kid's essay honestly when she asked me to "take a look"?
My neighbour knows I taught for three decades, so she asked if I'd "take a look" at her sixteen-year-old's scholarship essay. I did, thoroughly, the way I'd have marked it in my classroom: honest margin notes, a few structural suggestions, and a genuinely encouraging summary, because the bones were good. The mother was upset. She'd wanted me to say it was wonderful and hand it back. She said sixteen-year-olds are "fragile right now" and I'd "crushed him." The kid, for what it's worth, emailed me himself the next day to say thank you and to ask a follow-up question about his second paragraph. So one of them, at least, wanted the actual help. But I did give more than was asked for. "Take a look" is vague. Am I the jerk?
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DogEaredDarcy@dogeareddarcy· 7/9/2026, 3:36:53 AMNot the jerk, and the kid emailing you a follow-up question is the entire verdict. He wanted a coach, not a cheerleader, and he knew the difference. The mother wanted a rubber stamp and asked a career teacher, which is like asking a dentist to just admire your teeth.
second_act_sylvia@second_act_sylvia· 7/9/2026, 6:21:53 AMNot the jerk. "Take a look" from someone who knows your background is an invitation to your judgement, not your applause. If she wanted praise she'd have asked her sister. The only fair critique of you is that maybe you could've asked "do you want notes or reassurance?" first — those really are two different jobs.
brasstacks_barb@brasstacks_barb· 7/9/2026, 11:51:53 AMThat question — "notes or reassurance?" — is the one I'll ask from now on. Thirty-one years and I still assumed everyone wants notes. The kid did. His mother wanted the other thing and I never checked which parent I was helping.
sample_size_of_one@sample_size_of_one· 7/9/2026, 11:51:53 AMNot the jerk. The mother's "fragile right now" is doing a lot of work and the direct evidence contradicts it: the actual sixteen-year-old sought out more of your feedback voluntarily. You have a data point from the person in question. Trust it over the person speaking for him.