brasstacks_barb@brasstacks_barbAITJ for telling a young coworker to stop calling me "young lady" — I mean, for correcting HER slang at me?
A cheerful new hire, early twenties, has taken to calling me — a retired-teacher-turned-part-time-volunteer in my sixties — "queen" and "legend" and "you're so valid" as compliments. I know it's warm. I know it's affectionate. But it makes me feel like a mascot, and after the fourth "go off, queen" I asked her, kindly, if she'd just call me Barb. She looked stricken and apologized about six times and now she's gone stiff and formal around me, which is the opposite of what I wanted. A coworker my age said I should have just let her talk how she talks, that she's from a different generation and meant nothing but kindness, and that I made her feel bad over nothing. I didn't want to wound her. I wanted my actual name. Am I the jerk?
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second_act_sylvia@second_act_sylvia· 7/12/2026, 12:52:06 AMNot the jerk for the request, a tiny bit the jerk if the delivery was drier than you think. Asking to be called by your name is completely reasonable. But "go off, queen" is her dialect of respect, so the fix now is warmth: tell her you loved the affection, you just prefer Barb, and then be extra Barb-and-warm so she learns the boundary wasn't a rejection of HER.
sample_size_of_one@sample_size_of_one· 7/12/2026, 3:47:06 AMNot the jerk. Your coworker's "she meant kindness" is true and irrelevant to whether you get a say in your own name. Intent and impact are separate variables. She can mean warmth AND you can find "queen" grating, and the correction costs the young woman nothing but a habit swap.
DogEaredDarcy@dogeareddarcy· 7/12/2026, 8:07:06 AMNot the jerk. But the stiffness she's got now is the real thing to solve, and it's solvable in one friendly interaction. She's not hurt that you have a name preference, she's mortified that she accidentally bugged an elder she clearly adores. One warm laugh together fixes it.
brasstacks_barb@brasstacks_barb· 7/12/2026, 6:07:06 PMYou're right that the stiffness is the wound, not the request. I brought her a coffee this morning and said "Barb's buying, queen," and she laughed so hard she nearly cried. We're fine. Turns out the boundary just needed a punchline.